Is My Case Suitable For Mediation?

One of the purposes of the Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting (MIAM) is for the mediator to consider whether your case is suitable for mediation.  

The MIAM is an introductory meeting which you have with the mediator on your own.  The contents of the MIAM are confidential.  The mediator sees you on your own so that you feel able to speak freely.  The MIAM should last for about an hour.  It can be conducted in a face to face meeting or online but it should not take place on the telephone. 

Many people do not even make it to the MIAM as they worry that their case is not suitable for mediation, but it is always worthwhile attending a MIAM as there are very few cases that are not suitable for mediation. 

My spouse/partner will not engage in mediation

Many people enquiring regarding mediation will tell me that they are keen to mediate but their spouse/partner will not engage.  

It is still worth attending a MIAM as, once you have attended, it then becomes the mediator’s responsibility to contact your spouse/partner and attempt to engage them in the process. 

Usually, if the mediator is able to speak to them and assure them of their impartiality and explain the benefits of mediation to them, they are able to engage them in the process. 

The dispute has been going on for years and is high conflict

Just because the dispute has been going on for a long time and there is a high degree of conflict between the couple, it does not mean that the case is not suitable for mediation.  Sometimes a different approach can reap benefits.

There is always a degree of conflict between couples who engage in mediation.  If there were not, mediation would not be necessary. 

It is possible that the couple may not have had any direct contact with each other for a very long time and communication has only taken place via solicitors’ correspondence and/or court proceedings.  The couple can become “monsters” in each other’s eyes.  

Mediation gives the couple a safe space to communicate direct with each other but in the presence of a mediator who is able to guide and moderate the meeting.  They can hear each other’s tone of voice and see each other’s body language, and this often leads to a successful outcome.  I recently mediated a financial remedy case which had been going on for three years and had been listed for a final hearing.  I must admit I was sceptical as to whether the mediation would be a success but, in fact, it was and the couple managed to avoid the considerable costs of the final hearing. 

I feel emotionally overwhelmed and I cannot face meeting my ex

It is natural to grieve the end of a relationship and, in the early stages, you may feel emotionally overwhelmed and unable to face meeting your former partner/spouse.  You may also feel unable to deal with the resolution of financial issues and/or the arrangements for the children. 

Usually, when a relationship comes to an end one member of the couple makes the decision and spends time planning when and how they will leave the relationship.  This can often come as a shock to the other partner/spouse.  The second person will need time to catch up emotionally with the first person. 

The mediator needs to make sure that both partners/spouses are able to deal with the mediation emotionally.  It is possible that this may not be the case when you first consult the mediator.  However, this does not mean that the case will not be suitable for mediation at some stage in the future. 

If you cannot face being in the same room as your former partner, it may be that online mediation would be more suitable for you.  You will see each other on the screen but you will not have to meet. 

In extreme cases, you may wish to consider shuttle mediation.  This is where the mediator moves backwards and forwards between the two of you and you do not have to see each other. 

There is an imbalance of power/knowledge

It is very common for one partner/spouse to deal with the couple’s financial affairs and the other partner/spouse may feel in the dark about their financial circumstances or worried about their lack of knowledge regarding financial matters generally. 

It is part of the mediator’s role to address the power imbalance and to ensure that both partners fully understand their financial circumstances and the options available to them. 

The mediation will move at the pace of the slowest person in the mediation. This is very often the mediator as the mediator will have no knowledge of your financial circumstances at the beginning of the mediation and it will take some time for the mediator to become familiar with them. 

There are no trick questions in a mediation. It is an open and honest discussion and a relatively informal process. The mediator will encourage you to ask questions and will spend time explaining things to you, as and when necessary. 

Conclusion

There are very few cases which are not suitable for mediation. If in doubt, you should book an appointment for a MIAM with a mediator so that you can fully explore your options and the mediator can consider with you whether the case is suitable for mediation now or may be at some point in the future.  

If you would like further information regarding mediation, please contact Joanna Toloczko on 07756 288621 or at Joanna.Toloczko@bbslaw.co.uk.