Common Mistakes To Avoid During a Divorce

A divorce is categorically, something nobody ever wants to go through. 

However, situations occur and divorce is sometimes the only answer, when this happens, emotions can get in the way and ultimately, mistakes can happen. As a reputable firm that assists in, divorce law from financial orders divorce to separation agreements, we have seen plenty of mistakes and want to do the utmost to ensure you can avoid them as much as possible.

Here are some of the most common mistakes seen during a divorce and how you can try to avoid them.

#1 Neglecting to Seek Early Legal Advice

Obtaining early legal advice can give you an evaluation and information from the outset of what a potential financial settlement might look like. 

However, arguably even more importantly, the help of a divorce solicitor can help in a range of agreements available, from financial settlement in divorce to court hearings. 

A competent divorce solicitor can provide you with guidance as to the available methods to reach an agreement to enable a couple to find the solutions that work best for them based on their individual circumstances, equipping them with the knowledge that could be vital in achieving the most effective outcomes. 

In addition, once you are aware of the parameters of a potential settlement and what can realistically be achieved during out of court negotiations, you can make an informed decision as to whether non-court options remain viable, or if a court timetable needs to be put in place to ensure an outcome can be reached that engages both of you to work towards settlement at the same time. 

#2 Failing to Prioritise Emotional Wellbeing 

A divorce is incredibly difficult emotionally, from the impact it has on a family, to mourning the loss of a relationship.

The breakdown of a marriage can result in the couple feeling grief for the end of their relationship, all the while those in the midst of it all still have to deal with day to day practical matters. 

Contested court proceedings can exacerbate the situation even further as it demands a lot of attention and energy from the couple, leaving them unable to prioritise their wellbeing. 

In turn, they may be unable to properly process advice and make informed decisions and may decide to agree to a settlement for the sake of finalising the divorce with a view to relieving stress or pressure, rather than agreeing a settlement that would be regarded as being fair. 

In these circumstances, leaning on a support network such as friends and family can be a helpful tool. In addition, your GP can signpost you to organisations and professionals who are well placed to assist or refer you to counselling.

If you have children, it is even more important that you have support and space to process the end of the relationship so that you can hold space for your children and what they are experiencing as the family dynamic changes.  

#3 Poor Communication with Your Ex-spouse

Maintaining a healthy dialogue with your ex-spouse can be tricky. In particular, you should always resist the temptation to instruct your solicitor to engage in a “trial by correspondence”, “lawyer up” or weaponise. This is unlikely to have any material benefit on the outcome of your settlement but can unnecessarily and needlessly inflame the situation even further.

If communicating with your ex-spouse directly causes further anxiety and is unproductive, leave this to your respective family divorce solicitors or communicate in the presence of a third party (such as a mediator). 

If there are children involved, you should consider using a bespoke platform or parenting App that is focussed on the children’s needs (such as Our Family Wizard), which can help to filter out the inflammatory content and tone of communications. 

#4 Letting Emotions Drive Legal Strategy 

It is easy to let emotions take over what is obviously an emotional time of your life. The court will not take into account behaviour and emotions in deciding or recommending what it considers to be a fair financial settlement. 

Therefore it is vital to separate emotions from decision-making. 

It is a risky, expensive and most often a flawed strategy to pursue legal proceedings because you seek your “day in court”. Instead, take on board your solicitors’ advice on the realistic terms of a financial settlement and the method of reaching the same, take time to consider this, ask questions if necessary to satisfy yourself that any concerns have been taken on board, and then make an informed decision.  

#5 Overlooking the Effectiveness of Mediation & Dispute Resolution

Immediately following separation, you may feel that you are unable or unwilling to speak with your ex-spouse, particularly where the separation has not been amicable. 

Mediation is something we would highly recommend as a firm that offers divorce law and mediation for couples and families. It can be a good forum to focus your minds on the issues at hand, and the mediator can bring you back on track if the discussions become hostile. 

Mediation can be in shuttle from or hybrid, which lessens the potential confrontation and conflict which can otherwise result from a face-to face discussion.

You should explore the possibility of mediation (or other dispute resolution methods such as collaborative law) early on with your solicitor. Doing so may save you significant costs in the long term, even if you are just able to narrow down the matters in dispute. 

Where to Begin with a Divorce Solicitor

Based on the above, it is clear that the majority of the pitfalls can be avoided by obtaining early legal advice and taking proactive steps to ensure you are aware of your options in respect of the divorce, financial matters and child arrangements (if relevant). 

Once you have reached a settlement, it is important that this be recorded in a consent order so that both you and your ex-spouse have clarity and finality, and can move forward independently.

With the introduction of no-fault divorce in 2022, the focus nowadays should be on reaching settlements as amicably and constructively as possible, as blaming the other spouse for the breakdown of the relationship is no longer permitted nor is it helpful in achieving fairness. 

Our specialist team of solicitors, mediators and collaborative practitioners are here to help you avoid the above pitfalls and guide you through the process in a way that is best for you and your family. 

The way a couple approaches the initial stages of their divorce and separation of their assets often sets the tone for the remainder of the process. Avoiding the early pitfalls can save you and your ex-spouse significant time and money, and allow you to reach a resolution with less animosity, while reducing conflict and minimising confrontation. 

For more information on how we can help, please contact our family solicitors Finchley to discuss your needs further. 

FAQS

What is the process for initiating a divorce in the UK?

To initiate a divorce in the UK, you must file a divorce application with the family court. The application can be made online or on paper and must include details about your marriage and the reasons for the divorce. Since the introduction of the no-fault divorce law in 2022, you no longer need to provide evidence of wrongdoing.

Once the application is submitted, the court will process it and issue a conditional order before granting the final order (formerly known as a decree absolute), which legally ends the marriage.

How is financial settlement determined in a divorce?

Financial settlements in a divorce are determined by considering various factors, including the length of the marriage, the financial needs and resources of both parties, and contributions to the marriage (both financial and non-financial). The court aims to reach a fair and equitable division of assets, which may include property, pensions, savings, and income. The goal is to ensure that both parties can move forward with financial stability, and often, legal advice is crucial to navigate the complexities of these settlements.

What are the implications of a no-fault divorce?

The introduction of no-fault divorce in the UK allows couples to divorce without assigning blame to either party. This means that a marriage can be ended simply on the grounds of irretrievable breakdown, without the need to prove adultery, unreasonable behaviour, or separation. The no-fault system is designed to reduce conflict and make the process more straightforward, focusing on amicable resolutions and allowing couples to move on with less emotional strain.